Dear Rachael,
I have been so amazed by the truths encapsulated in Proverbs 31 recently! I pray that these truths sit hard on our hearts and push us toward becoming more transformed by the message of the gospel they set forth; may true womanly godliness be the natural consequence of our meditations on this text. As the Lord purposes that we live these virtues out, may we do so with exceeding joy, for in Him-- his gospel and his character-- there is fullness of joy.
To begin, I have been narrowly meditating on the first three verses:
“An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not harm,
all the days of her life.” (ESV)
“Who can find a virtuous woman! for her price is above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.” (KJV)
Upon sitting down to memorize this near a month ago now, I prayed with all urgency that the Spirit would permit me the wisdom to truly see this passage in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Too often is this passage painted as one scripted to intimidate women into moral-ism and slavery toward the home and husband. Or, to contrast this view, there is proposed a vision of this passage merely as another personification of lady wisdom. This is often used to excuse women from feeling the weightiness of pursing godly character that should encourage their husband, children, servants (or those whom they train up in ministry), and the church’s pursuit of God. It is thought to be a passage that is simply “too much” for the average Christian woman to handle. Therein lies the gospel message! It is too much. I cannot attain such noble character of my own accord, or even of my own choosing. How breathtaking is it then that the passage begins by proclaiming such a message:
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
First, the passage notes that man cannot find a woman such as this. It does not say why man cannot find her on his own, simply that he cannot; it is not within his power nor his right to find such a women. So, it is not her godliness nor her moral character that keep her from being found, but rather that God must first do the “finding” for “she is from the Lord” (19:14).
What then does it say about the woman who God finds? “She is far more precious than jewels.” If a jewel is that to which the woman is compared, what do we know of jewels? (1) Jewels, also, are not easy to spot. As Matt Chandler so comically said in his “Sanctification and Marriage” sermon, no one goes walking through a field, stumbles across something and then simply says, ‘Look! A ruby!’ No-- jewels are hidden beneath the earth and clay. They are dug for amongst the mire and the muck of the thickened surface of the earth. One must work diligently, even if the location of the jewel is known, to unearth such a treasure. And so, the Spirit of God digs through the dust and dirt of our lives and of our flesh to pursue the jewel he has already created to reflect the beauty of His grace. (2) Once the jewel is acquired, it does not immediately realize its full precious value. Certainly its ultimate worth is great, but in the moment it is extracted from its former dwelling place, the earth, its beauty is not seen, nor is it prepared to be cared for by hands other than those which know exactly how to make it worthy of its perfect purpose. The jewel must be washed clean, cut and refined, and sometimes scorched by the flames that bring it to dazzling newness of life. Then, and only then, can the jewel’s precious value be observed by the one to whom she is given. (3) The jewel is at this point sold or entrusted to the care of one who will admire her, awaken her beauty, and simultaneously ensure her continued care and refinement. It is in this phase of life that the jewel is both tested and greatly praised. Yet again we meet the gospel message from whence the remainder of this passage proceeds: we are the jewel pursued and polished by our Lord. He then gives us to a ministry, a people, and (most probably) a husband who could not find us or accept us on their own so that we may be better tested and enjoyed in this world.
It is from the overflow of the gospel that both the woman of virtue and her husband understand that “the heart of her husband trusts in her.” I love the way the King James puts it, “doth safely trust in her.” It is as if the scripture translation denotes that she is a safe-house and as such, he is wise to confide in her. Though he is deemed the initiator in other parts of scripture we see here that the man initiates the action of placing his trust in her, but she must first prepare the safe place in which his trust may be put. She does not initiate the movement, she is prepared for it and responds appropriately when the action occurs. However, has no preparation been done to make ready the heart in which the husband ought to place his trust, no initiating action may be had, and both the man and the woman are left unsatisfied with the union they share.
It is then that this woman may “do him good and not evil, all the days of her life.” There is much temptation to do the man evil, or, as Bridges says, do the man a mixture of evil and good. There is also much evidence of these things all throughout scripture. Bridges sights a number of them, all from women of virtue: Sarah gives Hagar to Abraham to fulfill the promises of God in opposition to the way God had set forth, Eve offers Adam the forbidden fruit, Solomon’s many wives “[drew] away his heart,’ Job’s wife called him to ‘curse God and die,’ Rebekah deceived Isaac to bless her favorite son, Rachel brought idolatry to their family, and the list could continue. The point is, noble women of the scriptures have been tempted and failed to do good to their husband also, but God still chose to do mighty works through them; there is much grace in the presence of God. The ultimate realization of the gospel and its power in our lives or our husbands lives does not rest in our hands. We are privileged enough to live out an image of the gospel because God has greatly blessed us, and by His power we may continue to depict that image by doing our husband good--namely opening our heart to him as a home in which he may build up confidence, and space wherein he may lead and initiate. When we see that it is by God’s power that we do these things we may also do them “without grumbling or complaining.” As Bridges takes note, “Even if her minute attentions to this object are not always noticed, yet never will she harbor the suspicion of indifference or unkindness, nor will she return fancied neglect with sullenness, or by affected or morbid sensibility force on a feverish interchange of expression, which has little substantial foundation.” Negating these tendencies is the true testimony of God’s intervening work in this woman. The foolish woman is one who “with her own hands tears [the house] down” (14:1). If we can carry on this illustration, her home- and her husband’s home- is the confines of her welcoming heart. If she turns her heart against him and leaves it not open and welcoming as a safe-house in which he may initiate his leadership, she, by her own hands, tears down the house. In contrast, as she opens her heart with the willingness to bequeath him kindness and assumes he will initiate a trustful relationship with her, so then she is welcomed toward the beauty of submission and conclusively the demonstration of the gospel message in her life.
How might a single woman take and apply these truths? I would presume my first object must be to deepen my understanding of that first verse and all that it means to be “more precious than jewels.” It is of great importance that before I walk into marriage, the deepening of understanding my worth is in Christ is a recognized and regularly pursued. The depths of this truth can never be breached, but beginning the journey grants marriage a solid foundation on which to stand. Second, it is of great importance that it is recognized that it is God who found me and rescued me from the miry clay of this earth, and it is God who has the liberty of entrusting me to another while in this world. He may, he may not. Should he choose not to give me away, why should I fret? I then remain in the hands of my master and am enjoy, admired, and praised by him. Whose admiration could be more pure and more full than the Creator God? And if he should grant me a husband, it is profoundly significant that I remember that I was given to him by God. It was an intentional act by the almighty sovereign God of the universe that put me in the place of a woman who is commanded to open her heart to safely house the heart of that man. This perspective will, hopefully, relieve me of the opportunity to question the plans and abilities of this man to whom I am given. So, I must begin to practice and pray that I will speak well of and do well to the man who is in my future.
“An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not harm,
all the days of her life.” (ESV)
“Who can find a virtuous woman! for her price is above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.” (KJV)
Upon sitting down to memorize this near a month ago now, I prayed with all urgency that the Spirit would permit me the wisdom to truly see this passage in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Too often is this passage painted as one scripted to intimidate women into moral-ism and slavery toward the home and husband. Or, to contrast this view, there is proposed a vision of this passage merely as another personification of lady wisdom. This is often used to excuse women from feeling the weightiness of pursing godly character that should encourage their husband, children, servants (or those whom they train up in ministry), and the church’s pursuit of God. It is thought to be a passage that is simply “too much” for the average Christian woman to handle. Therein lies the gospel message! It is too much. I cannot attain such noble character of my own accord, or even of my own choosing. How breathtaking is it then that the passage begins by proclaiming such a message:
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
First, the passage notes that man cannot find a woman such as this. It does not say why man cannot find her on his own, simply that he cannot; it is not within his power nor his right to find such a women. So, it is not her godliness nor her moral character that keep her from being found, but rather that God must first do the “finding” for “she is from the Lord” (19:14).
What then does it say about the woman who God finds? “She is far more precious than jewels.” If a jewel is that to which the woman is compared, what do we know of jewels? (1) Jewels, also, are not easy to spot. As Matt Chandler so comically said in his “Sanctification and Marriage” sermon, no one goes walking through a field, stumbles across something and then simply says, ‘Look! A ruby!’ No-- jewels are hidden beneath the earth and clay. They are dug for amongst the mire and the muck of the thickened surface of the earth. One must work diligently, even if the location of the jewel is known, to unearth such a treasure. And so, the Spirit of God digs through the dust and dirt of our lives and of our flesh to pursue the jewel he has already created to reflect the beauty of His grace. (2) Once the jewel is acquired, it does not immediately realize its full precious value. Certainly its ultimate worth is great, but in the moment it is extracted from its former dwelling place, the earth, its beauty is not seen, nor is it prepared to be cared for by hands other than those which know exactly how to make it worthy of its perfect purpose. The jewel must be washed clean, cut and refined, and sometimes scorched by the flames that bring it to dazzling newness of life. Then, and only then, can the jewel’s precious value be observed by the one to whom she is given. (3) The jewel is at this point sold or entrusted to the care of one who will admire her, awaken her beauty, and simultaneously ensure her continued care and refinement. It is in this phase of life that the jewel is both tested and greatly praised. Yet again we meet the gospel message from whence the remainder of this passage proceeds: we are the jewel pursued and polished by our Lord. He then gives us to a ministry, a people, and (most probably) a husband who could not find us or accept us on their own so that we may be better tested and enjoyed in this world.
It is from the overflow of the gospel that both the woman of virtue and her husband understand that “the heart of her husband trusts in her.” I love the way the King James puts it, “doth safely trust in her.” It is as if the scripture translation denotes that she is a safe-house and as such, he is wise to confide in her. Though he is deemed the initiator in other parts of scripture we see here that the man initiates the action of placing his trust in her, but she must first prepare the safe place in which his trust may be put. She does not initiate the movement, she is prepared for it and responds appropriately when the action occurs. However, has no preparation been done to make ready the heart in which the husband ought to place his trust, no initiating action may be had, and both the man and the woman are left unsatisfied with the union they share.
How easily this pattern creeps into our hearts-- the notion that I must hold back until he initiates, the deprecating response toward the man that he has failed because I sat waiting for him to initiate but he never moved. Could it be that my heart was stone-cold and unprepared to house his trust? Was his lack of movement toward me attributed to the untrustworthiness of the home my heart ought to be for the man to whom I am called? What challenge this will be in marriage! It is clear that our calling as wives is to live out the gospel by faithfully allowing our hearts to be open to the initiation of our husband toward us, just as our hearts must remain open to the sacrifice and leadership of Christ, the Head of the Church. It is in this imitation of our relationship with Christ that “he feels his comfort to be regarded, his burden relieved, and his mind exempted from many teasing vexations” (Charles Bridges).
What then does it look like to prepare our hearts to become the home of the man we love? Charles Bridges points out in him commentary that this woman is one who, “instead of abusing confidence, she only seeks to make herself daily more worthy of it, not fretful and uncertain, caring ‘how she may please her husband’ (I Cor 7:34)” (Bridges). She seeks first her own rootedness in the gospel each day. Then, she seeks to ‘please’ her husband-- which is done by respecting him and choosing to cast her burdens on the Lord and not on him, thus leaving behind fretfulness and nagging notions. It is then that this woman may “do him good and not evil, all the days of her life.” There is much temptation to do the man evil, or, as Bridges says, do the man a mixture of evil and good. There is also much evidence of these things all throughout scripture. Bridges sights a number of them, all from women of virtue: Sarah gives Hagar to Abraham to fulfill the promises of God in opposition to the way God had set forth, Eve offers Adam the forbidden fruit, Solomon’s many wives “[drew] away his heart,’ Job’s wife called him to ‘curse God and die,’ Rebekah deceived Isaac to bless her favorite son, Rachel brought idolatry to their family, and the list could continue. The point is, noble women of the scriptures have been tempted and failed to do good to their husband also, but God still chose to do mighty works through them; there is much grace in the presence of God. The ultimate realization of the gospel and its power in our lives or our husbands lives does not rest in our hands. We are privileged enough to live out an image of the gospel because God has greatly blessed us, and by His power we may continue to depict that image by doing our husband good--namely opening our heart to him as a home in which he may build up confidence, and space wherein he may lead and initiate. When we see that it is by God’s power that we do these things we may also do them “without grumbling or complaining.” As Bridges takes note, “Even if her minute attentions to this object are not always noticed, yet never will she harbor the suspicion of indifference or unkindness, nor will she return fancied neglect with sullenness, or by affected or morbid sensibility force on a feverish interchange of expression, which has little substantial foundation.” Negating these tendencies is the true testimony of God’s intervening work in this woman. The foolish woman is one who “with her own hands tears [the house] down” (14:1). If we can carry on this illustration, her home- and her husband’s home- is the confines of her welcoming heart. If she turns her heart against him and leaves it not open and welcoming as a safe-house in which he may initiate his leadership, she, by her own hands, tears down the house. In contrast, as she opens her heart with the willingness to bequeath him kindness and assumes he will initiate a trustful relationship with her, so then she is welcomed toward the beauty of submission and conclusively the demonstration of the gospel message in her life.
How might a single woman take and apply these truths? I would presume my first object must be to deepen my understanding of that first verse and all that it means to be “more precious than jewels.” It is of great importance that before I walk into marriage, the deepening of understanding my worth is in Christ is a recognized and regularly pursued. The depths of this truth can never be breached, but beginning the journey grants marriage a solid foundation on which to stand. Second, it is of great importance that it is recognized that it is God who found me and rescued me from the miry clay of this earth, and it is God who has the liberty of entrusting me to another while in this world. He may, he may not. Should he choose not to give me away, why should I fret? I then remain in the hands of my master and am enjoy, admired, and praised by him. Whose admiration could be more pure and more full than the Creator God? And if he should grant me a husband, it is profoundly significant that I remember that I was given to him by God. It was an intentional act by the almighty sovereign God of the universe that put me in the place of a woman who is commanded to open her heart to safely house the heart of that man. This perspective will, hopefully, relieve me of the opportunity to question the plans and abilities of this man to whom I am given. So, I must begin to practice and pray that I will speak well of and do well to the man who is in my future.
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