I sat down to write today not because I had something of great significance weighing heavily on my heart that I knew needed to be put to paper, but because I did not. My hope was that writing would refresh my soul and grant me the opportunity to “lift up my eyes to the hills…” (Psalm 121:1) so that I might see the Lord, my Help. There will always be days on this earth that we feel distant and distraught. For me, today was one of those days. In some ways it served its purpose: it was a reminder that this is not my home and I am uncomfortable living in this fallen place, being my fallen self. On the other hand, I felt fooled and mistreated, “in the depths of despair” (L.M. Montgomery). Why this mix of emotions? Because the world (and by this I mean all types of worldly culture, from Hollywood to church culture, that do not depict the true essence of the gospel) feeds us myriads of lies concerning how our well being is to be assessed. My life currently sits in transition. I just graduated from college a few weeks ago as an Education major. However, it is February, so jobs are scarce to be found. This leaves me with a make-shift “apartment” in my parents’ basement, working for Starbucks about 20 hours a week and praying frantically for substitute teaching jobs to come before my student loan bills.
Most people, like me, look around at their circumstances and always find themselves in some unwanted transition. Let’s be honest, our lives are always in transition. Whether we’re transitioning from school to the work force, singleness to marriage, one to two children, marriage to divorce, employed to unemployed, life to death; no matter what, something in our life is changing. Sometimes we want the transition. Other times we despise it. Either way, we continually find ourselves questioning its existence, going to whatever Christian resources we can dig up again to guide us through the transition, and often come out lost at worst and bandaged up at best, but never free of our pride or our fears.
The question I’m presenting is, in essence, why is it that ministries, materials, and those things given to minister to us in order to help women become daughters of God who live out the gospel and preach it in every way tend to proceed in one of two relatively unhelpful directions: (1) They romanticize life and faith, brew in us an assurance that our own acceptance is the entire purpose of the gospel, and puff-up our expectations and our pride. (2) They build our strength and independence, tell us to never look for marriage but marry ourselves to Jesus and walk the Christian walk alone, without emotions or femininity because those things are perceived to no longer be culturally relevant but are shameful, and all together wrong. If we choose to indoctrinate ourselves with either of these theologies (yes, it is a theology, because our opinion of God becomes wrapped up in that reality) we quickly become women who misunderstand themselves, their God, their passions, and their purpose.
Often, I have laid witness to the fact that these aforementioned theologies can lead women to the understanding that we possess an innate desire to be beautiful, but never is it mentioned how this may become a reality and why the desire exists. We may come to the understanding that we do not desire to be left to the mercies of men and so we pursue strength and independence but know not to what destruction that path will lead. In the end, we become lonely, stubborn women (married and unmarried alike), pursing beauty and passion with little direction, much fear, and only the assurance that at one point or another we were told God accepted us for no particular reason at all.
The problem here is that our foundations are rotten to the core. Paul tells us that, “No one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 3:11). Our foundation is not our acceptance, nor our beauty, independence, freedom, or any other quality we perceive to be godly, but it is ‘…to know nothing among you expect Jesus Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).
The following posts will contain musings on subjects and theological opinions that have changed my life and my heart. I am reflecting on them now in hopes that the process will once again awaken our hearts to a love of seeing our God glorified.
