I spent this past week on the beach with my family. Upon returning, I went through my usual ritual of watching a movie I’ve seen a thousand times as I unpacked, so as to make the process a little less painful while still retaining my focus on the task at hand. I popped in Sense and Sensibility and watched as scenes to come in my life unfolded. The differences between the two leading characters, Eleanor and Maryann, suddenly reminded me a good deal of a conversation my mother and I had had earlier in the week about my sister and myself. The difficulty we were discussing was the fact that I am driven by facts and regulations and my world is sorted out in this exact way. Grace is given as fact; it is written in scripture and sensed in my daily life and relationship with the Lord. That it exists is beyond question and that it penetrates my heart is pure fact, thus all that I must know of grace is entirely dependable and available to aid me in any moment of weakness or attack because it is easily accessible in the ‘fact’ file of my brain. I am the ‘sensibility’ in this scenario. My sister on the other hand is the ‘sense’ side of the equation. She is capable of feeling every word or exchange, every action, and every reaction at the center of her soul. These experiences define her understanding and thus, grace may at times be an abstract notion that cannot be counted upon. The experience she is muddling through or the prior occasion her heart has rested itself upon to call up information in passing through the current situation has robbed her of whatever the true definition of God’s grace may be.
From this preexisting notion came the discussion my mother and I had during one of our walks along the beach. I confessed that I, for lack of a better word, have a prejudice against my sister’s way of examining the world. I cannot understand it; therefore, I despise it. From my sinful and limited perspective, why would a child of God spend so much energy calling up emotions as they face any new journey? Why must one become sensitive to his or her own acceptance before God or humanity with every trial that is faced? Why must one be so involved, so central to the understanding and accepting of truth? And thus, my mind spirals into a number of different ways of looking at ministry in light of the way I see this pattern of thought, all of which leave me feeling defeated because I have misunderstood God’s provision that comes through the complexity of his own creation. I see a ministry that errors on the side of expressing too readily that “you are accepted” and “you are beautiful” and all sorts of other wonderful expressions any woman would love to hear. When I would too quickly fire back, “No, you are not acceptable. Christ alone is acceptable. You are not beautiful, Christ alone is the definition of beauty and perfection.” But in truth, God would look down upon his lowly and sinful creation to tell us that neither perspective is right.
Focusing on 1 Corinthians 2:6-16 tonight at church brought to light a number of things I have misunderstood about ministry. In the process of putting to shame those who believe themselves to have wisdom, two verses I had not spent much time dwelling on before came to the forefront of my mind. Verse 11 states, “For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?” and verse 13 says, “And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.”
From verse 11, what rang clear in my heart was the fact that, though some knowledge might come over time or with experience, I can never know the depths of a person’s soul as the Spirit does. Though I speak to my friends as someone who knows them well, I do not know them as I should to actually give proper or infallible wisdom. How often do we sit down with friends to give advice with the expectation that they will take it? Far too many times I go to my friends for advice and become frustrated because they either cannot comprehend my circumstances, see my heart and examine it for sin as I wish, or their advice fails me. How humbling it is to remember the truth that it is God’s role to know our thoughts. When, by God’s grace, Paul tells us that we have been granted the position of “interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual,” but that is all. We are never wise. Through God’s Gospel of Peace, we are granted a limited gaze into his wisdom and are called to express that.
Here again is an instance when you cannot look at someone who is spiritual (as Paul calls us) and say, “You are wise”. But, neither can you say to someone who is spiritual, “You lack wisdom” because that person now has Christ and does not lack wisdom; they only lack wisdom apart from Christ. Spurgeon presented me with the words to express the actual answer to this dilemma. He states, “What a cleansing power in His blood to take away sin such as ours! And what glory in His righteousness to make such unacceptable creatures to be accepted in the Beloved! Mark, believer, how sure it is in Him! Take care that you never doubt your acceptance in Jesus. You cannot be accepted without Christ; but, when you have received His merit, you cannot be unaccepted. Notwithstanding all your doubts, and fears, and sins, Jehovah’s gracious eye never looks upon you in anger; though He sees sin in you, in yourself, yet when He looks at you through Christ, He sees no sin. You are always accepted in Christ, are always blessed and dear to the Father’s heart.” In essence, it is the proud heart that looks upon any circumstance and believes themselves to be acceptable, beautiful, wise, or the like. But it is also the proud heart that paints the lowly picture of doubt in the Lord’s promise that you are made acceptable, beautiful, wise, etc. by his own handiwork. This heart equally deprives God the power and glory brought on by the work of the Cross of Calvary. And so, we must, all of us, Eleanor and Maryann alike, say, “The Gospel of Jesus Christ has made me always and forever more acceptable before God. In light of this everlasting truth, I will work out the sin in my heart, because I know that no matter what dark and disgusting things linger inside my heart, I may never loose my acceptance before the King because my acceptance is not found in me.” And thus, beautiful, wonderful humility comes sweeping into my veins again when I stand in awe of the Cross of Christ as I always should.
